Men suffer from anxiety, depression trying to meet society’s expectations

Men are dealing with anxiety and depression while trying to meet society’s expectations of male masculinity.

To deal with these issues, which can lead to isolation, is a men’s mental health group in Ste Anne, which has already had its first meeting.

“We had 20 members age range (of) 23 to 67. It was really good. Everybody shared. It was such a great atmosphere for that. People were able to just talk. So, it was amazing,” said organizer Jeremy Wiens, who has had his own mental health struggles.

“(We talked about) different things whether it was isolation, depression, struggles with life in general, feeling alone, and all kinds of different things we talked about. It was open forum we didn’t have a (topic) that we were talking about. We just let everybody kind of speak.”

Wiens started the group with Ryan Pasieczka when they met in October of last year after Wiens spoke at the Manitoba legislature about men’s mental health.

“It’s a topic that’s not talked about enough and I think it’s a place where (men can) actually use and want to start and be involved in and give men an opportunity to speak and share and be with other men,” said the Town of Ste Anne councillor about the group.

Psychotherapist Dr. Gerry Goertzen, who works mainly with men dealing with trauma, addiction, and restorative justice, said he is not surprised by the number of men who came to the first meeting.

“So men want it. Men need it. And they recognize that need,” he said.

Dawson Trail MLA Bob Lagasse, whose men’s mental health bill passed late last year in the legislature for an official Men’s Mental Health Awareness Week to be celebrated a week before Father’s Day, was glad the stigma of men’s mental help is waning.

“I think it’s fantastic because it’s doing exactly what my bill was intended to do. It’s removing the stigma around men’s mental health and its giving people the freedom to talk about it openly,” said Lagasse, who has been candid about his own mental health challenges.

“We’re expected to be strong all the time,” he said. “(We’re) expected to walk it off. We’re told since we’re little that boys don’t cry, don’t be a sissy. You’re supposed to be tough. You’re always set up to be almost not emotional in a way. Not to accept those parts of you (that are emotional). You’re told to suppress them. That’s message is loud and clear especially when I was growing up, and no fault of my parents it’s just what they were taught.”

Goertzen agrees with Lagasse in the stereotype that society has for male masculinity. He said issues of anxiety come up with men having to deal with the pressure on their masculinity of having to express strength and courage and being above circumstances, not having emotions, but at the same time being sensitive, caring, nurturing, and helping.

“What I see in men is that the pressures to perform in all these areas leaves them feeling not only uncomfortable, but that it’s impossible to meet the demands, and so then they give up and that’s where depression and anxiety come in.

“Anxiety is how can I possibly live up to it and depression is often a sense of despair and, ‘I can’t and I may as well give up.’ So, then men back out of relationships, they don’t want to take responsibility, they avoid and become more isolated, and that isolation exacerbates the problem and increases the depression and anxiety.”

The Public Health Agency of Canada reports that although men make up approximately half of the population, they account for nearly 75 percent of all suicide deaths. In 2023, Manitoba had 245 suicides.

In 2023, men’s mental health statistics by Manulife reported that 17 percent of Canadian men aged 15 and older reported fair or poor mental health. Only 30 percent of those who use mental health services are men.

“Society needs to challenge those old norms and engage in the conversation that promotes the expression of vulnerability for men,” said Goertzen.

“There’s something I’d like to tell men is that one, they’re not alone, there are other men going through the same things and it might not be exactly the same but similar. And just that going and having a conversation – whether it’s going out for coffee, whether it’s joining a men’s group, whether its going for counselling, whatever it is – just know that no matter what you’re not alone and there are supports out there, few and far between, but there are (supports),” said Wiens.

The next men’s group meeting is set for Feb. 13 at 7 p.m. at the AJ Fiola boardroom in Ste Anne.