COLUMN: Don’t Mind the Mess – How to carry your cross

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This article was published 05/10/2022 (931 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

How to carry your cross Novelist Paulo Coelho once told a story about a man in a certain village who was always complaining about his lot in life. He was a Christian and found the weight of his “cross” much too heavy to bear.

One night, before going to sleep, he begged God to help him find a way to change his burden.

That night he had a dream; the Lord led him to a warehouse. “Go ahead and change it,” God said. The man saw crosses of all sizes and shapes, each with the names of their owners. He picked an average size cross. But when he saw the name of an old friend written on it, he left it aside.

Finally, as God had permitted, he chose the smallest cross he could find. To his surprise, he saw his own name on it.

Many times when our focus is on all our worries at once, their collective weight can overwhelm us. Juggling responsibilities and obligations, dealing with unexpected issues, along with attempting to keep all the people in our lives healthy, happy, and satisfied can make our cross seem bigger than a hydro pole.

It’s a little like a poster I saw years ago, where a tiny mouse was sitting in front of a flashlight, and his shadow made him seem 10 times bigger and scarier than he really was. The more we project our fear on a burden, the bigger and scarier it gets.

Human beings make a few big mistakes when it comes to burdens. First, we look at other people, who seem to carry their burdens just fine. They’re making progress. They’re happy. Is there something wrong with us, that we can’t seem to manage as well as they do? Or did they just win some kind of heavenly lottery, and were born with a lighter load?

What it really comes down to is perception. Comparing your burden to another person’s is never a good idea because things are seldom as they appear. The guy leaving the bank with a smile on his face may be a pay cheque away from losing his house, and just consolidated his debt.

The happy family you see in the restaurant at the table beside yours may be taking a much needed break before they head back to the hospital to visit a terminally ill child.

We often allow worry to skew our view. The more we fear and dread what tomorrow may bring, the heavier today’s burden will become. Holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom wrote, “Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength – carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of sorrow; it empties today of its strength.”

We also tend to think that we need to carry our burdens alone. We’re ashamed and afraid to appear weak or inept, so we hide our fear and desperation from the people who love us and want to help us carry our crosses, even while carrying their own.

It’s important to remember that this life is not a competition to see who manages it the best; none of us would win that trophy. When we carry our burdens at our own pace, and in our own way, they don’t feel quite as heavy, and our cross often begins to shrink.