COLUMN: Don’t Mind the Mess – Yellow buses and letting go
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My mornings became a whole lot different after my youngest son graduated. No more crazy rush every September to get just the right clothes and school supplies. No more trying to prod, bribe and threaten this creature with my features to finally roll out of bed and trudge off to the bus.
Some kids just aren’t fans of school; this boy was one of them.
This morning, curled up on my deck with my first coffee of the day, I heard the familiar weary groan of a school bus coming to a stop to pick up a load of kids at my corner. I could practically smell the new vinyl scent of their new backpacks, as they bounced up the steps, hair carefully styled, a little taller and bolder than they were last September.
I feel sympathetic to all those moms who are sending their little ones off for the first time. At the end of the day, there will be lots of hugs and questions: Did you have fun? Did you make a new friend? (And the silent one: “Did you miss me as much as I missed you today?”)
I remember bringing my eldest child to kindergarten that first day. His hand felt impossibly small in mine, his shoes were far too clean, and his backpack was almost as big as he was. The time between his birth and this moment felt more like five days instead of five years. I questioned the whole concept of starting them off so young. What are people thinking? They’re just babies.
My heart ached at the thought of not seeing him for the whole morning, and I kept reassuring him that it was just for a few hours, and “Mommy will be right there at the door, waiting for you.”
All this hovering and reassuring was lost on him. He seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing, as if he’d been preparing for this moment his whole short life.
Letting go is hard. Trusting others with your kids is hard. But as one very seasoned teacher once told me: The things they learn at home are the strongest lessons. Home is their first school, where those early values and interests are born and fed. Where the most important bonds, beliefs and ideals are formed, long before textbooks and playground friendships.
You can take the kid out of the home, but you can’t take the home out of the kid.
My first day of school was terrifying. I hadn’t had the benefit of kindergarten, where so many of those early bonds are made. I was flung into that Grade 1 classroom with a crowd of seasoned veterans, who already knew all about where to put their indoor shoes and about raising their hand for every little request.
Plus, as a little Mennonite farm girl who spoke only Low German at home, I knew very little English. All my friends were my cousins and the kids from Sunday School. So of course, I stood out. And kids that stand out don’t always get treated very kindly.
So, like my son, I wasn’t a fan of school, and there were many mornings that my mom had to drag me out of bed, too.
But I had one small advantage. Thanks to my eldest sister, I knew how to read as well as most adults. And it was this love of learning that carried me through a lot of the social challenges.
So, moms and dads, if your heart feels a little nostalgic this week, over a summer and a childhood that flew by way too fast, allow yourself to also feel a bit of pride. It takes a lot of courage to leave the nest and hang around with other strange birds. And it takes a lot of courage to let them. Take comfort in the fact that no matter how grown-up they get, it was you who taught them how to fly.